Always There
by bbgirl17555
Summary: Jolie, John & Natalie, One Shot.... Set post the KCK storyline...No one ever said goodbyes were easy.


Set post the KCK storyline...

_No one ever said goodbyes were easy._

A\N: Possibly depressing, even if I didn't mean for it to be, actually it seemed hopeful to me but wanted to cover my bases. Totally inspired by the song Anything for You.

**Always There**

"Anything for you." Natalie answered his request, taking a stack of files from John's outstretched hand.

"Are you sure?" John asked. "I mean you just got back."

Natalie smiled softly at his concern. "Not like I have anything better to do. Besides what sorta person would I be if I refused to help the man that saves my life on a regular basis?" She was smiling too broadly, a mask that John's blue eyes cut through. They always did, exposing that little girl beneath the surface, the one still waiting for someone to love her.

"Natalie…" John hesitated, wanting to say so much, wanting to explain all that had happened.

"John." Natalie stood, placing a hand on his chest, stopping him. "Don't. Just go. I'm sure Evangeline is waiting." It was mean or bitter, just quiet hurt.

John sighed, when he had rescued Evangeline from the community center he knew something had turned. Didn't mean it didn't hurt. "Yeah." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Tired?" She asked, moving around him to pull out some more files.

Yes, he was. He was tired of all of this, of this hurt and longing. But he couldn't fix it, even if it was clear now there were still too many obstacles. That was their story, bad timing and miscommunication. But he wouldn't tell her that, she already knew it, no use rehashing what wouldn't work, what couldn't work. "Yeah. What about you?" His cerulean eyes racked over her from the top of her crimson locks to her black scuffed boots. "The last two weeks you've been working overtime."

She knew she had to tell him, Natalie had been putting it off but now there was no real excuse to use. "Yeah. Well I just want to make sure I got everything in order before I leave."

John turned, shock mingling with hurt. "You're quitting?" Natalie smiled reassuringly at his injured tone and in that moment John knew. She was grown up. She was not that kid he had given pool lessons or locked up for her own good. Natalie Vega was an adult; somewhere between Vegas and her being saved from Ron Walsh he had missed it and now she had outstripped him. "You're leaving Llanview." It wasn't a question.

"I need to."

There was truth in her simple statement that John refused to swallow. "But why?"

Natalie tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, glancing at the officers milling about before lowering her tone. "You know why."

John conscience of their surroundings ducked his head, bringing his mouth close to her ear, warm breath tickling her throat as he spoke. "Natalie, if it's because of me-"

"It's not." Natalie cut him off, moving away. "It's about me, John."

John shook his head. "I don't understand this. Why now?"

Natalie parted her lips of speak but thought the better of it, instead she sat down the files and grabbed her purse. "Not here. Come on." She said tugging at John's arm, letting her fingers drifted down the fabric of his jacket before intertwining her fingers with his.

John let himself be lead out of the squad room, unable to tell where his hand stopped and hers started. "Where are we going?"

Natalie smiled back at him. "Rodi's of course." She dropped his hand as they approached her car, red and shiny, and John felt an acute sense of loss.

Settling himself in the passenger's seat he echoed back. "Of course." And he knew that this wasn't a joke, or an idle thought. It had to be Rodi's, any conversation as heavy as this one looked to be had to be peppered by greasy fries and pool cues. As Natalie sped out of the parking lot John found his mind drifting to all the times they had shared there, Christmas with fruitcake, rounds of pool, fights, fun, longing, love. Complicated overlapping memories good and bad but that boiled down to one simple truth, Natalie had breathed life back into him. She woke him up, shook him up until he didn't know if he wanted to hug her or hit her. And as they pulled into the familiar gravel lot John found himself wishing that they could just keep driving; that they could just keep being.

He followed Natalie wordlessly as she smiled at Mac and ordered them two usuals and slid a beer over to him. John took a long drink, watching her intently across the small round table. "Why do I get the feeling I'm not gonna like this?"

"Because you know I'm gonna kick your ass?" Natalie asked with a bright smile, standing and handing him a cue.

And that was his Natalie, always a challenge, too much of one for him. "You keep thinking that, Vega." He stood, taking the cue from her outstretched hand, the brief contact of her skin grazing his sent shivers up his spine. There was always so much heat on the surface, but it wasn't the surface that scared him, it was all that lay beneath.

"Oh look at that." Natalie taunted after her break landed the three and five ball into the pockets.

John watched her play, her body twisting and bending around the table and instead of the usual lust rush he found himself sad. Swallowing hard, he tried to push the knowledge that she was leaving out of his mind, tried not to picture what he would do without hearing her voice or seeing her sapphire eyes.

"Damn." Natalie let out a curse as she missed her shot.

John stepped forward, feigning normal. "Let me show you how it's done."

Twenty minutes later Natalie was pouting over fries as she dipped them into a pile of mustard. "You cheated." She accused.

"Not my fault you get so easily distracted." John commented with a grin.

Natalie pointed a mustard tip fry in her opponent's direction. "That was a dirty trick and you know it."

John didn't speak, just wiped the ketchup off his fingers. For a moment he thought of offering her a rematch but he knew they were just doing the same old dance, didn't matter that the music was about to stop. Taking a deep nerve calming breath he asked what he had been avoiding since they had arrived. "So when are you leaving?"

Natalie finished her last sip of beer before answering. "Next Thursday."

A little over a week away, John reeled as though smacked. "Were you planning on telling me?" Natalie shifted her gaze to her empty beer bottle, her fingers pulling at the label. "Were you?" John asked again, anger edging on his voice.

She looked up and John was caught off guard by how blue her eyes were, how pure and open and honest. "I wasn't sure if I could." She admitted.

"So that's it? You're just going? Cutting your losses and moving on?"

"It's not like that, John." Natalie replied defensively.

"Then explain it to me because that's what it seems like."

She sighed, wondering how to explain it to him of all people. "I need to do this."

John leaned across the table, invading her space. "But why? Why do you need to do this?"

"I just do, John."

"That's not an answer."

"Yes, it is. It's just not one you like!" Hurt flashed in John's eyes and Natalie immediately backed down. She never could bear to see him in pain, and since the whole Killing Club fiasco it had hung like a dark cloud over him. "I'm sorry. Its just I need to get out of this place. Since I've gotten to Llanview it's been one thing after another. I need to learn how to just be me."

John felt himself slipping so he quickly grabbed for another tactic. "What about your family? What about Jessica and Rex? You're just gonna leave them?"

"They can take care of themselves."

John snorted. "I wouldn't be so sure about that, especially that brother of yours."

Natalie smiled tolerantly at John's protests. "Rex will be fine. And if he, or anyone else," she added, eyes matching John's. "Needs me I am just a phone call away."

"A phone call to where?" He asked, not consoled by her remark.

"I've been thinking about Texas."

John bit back a groan. "Let me guess, you've been talking to Asa."

"Yeah." Natalie admitted a tiny blush crawling at her ears. "And Kevin and my dad. I don't know, it sounds like I might be happy there."

His blue eyes bore into hers. "And you can't be happy here?"

"I used to think I could."

"What changed?"

Natalie swallowed hard, a lump forming in her throat. What had changed? Why didn't it work? She didn't know, even now looking back she couldn't pinpoint the moment that happiness had slipped through their fingers. She just knew it had, and for now she had to go carve out her own place in the world, capture her own piece of the rainbow. "Everything." It came out in a whispered breath but John heard her, he could read her silence and her words. He knew why she was going.

"Can-"John paused knowing he shouldn't ask but he refused to lay still and let her drift away. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

"Probably." Answered Natalie truthfully. "But don't. I need this."

John nodded his head, a hand rubbing across the back of his neck. "You're not leaving for over a week? So then how come this feels like goodbye?"

Natalie's hand found his. "Maybe because everything with us has felt like it."

"You would think with all the practice we've had it wouldn't hurt so much."

Natalie's eyes brimmed with tears she fought to blink back. "It's supposed to hurt." She acknowledged as he squeezed her hand tightly, a life line he refused to part with. "It's the only way to know it was real."

"It was real. Natalie, I…"

"I know." She interjected. "I knew before you said anything. I never needed the words."

"But what I said, about it not being true-"John protested.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you actions speak louder than words, McBain?" Natalie teased, trying to pull John out of any confession of the soul he might make. She didn't need another reason to stay; it was killing her to leave as it was. If he said it… she might not have the strength.

"So next Thursday, huh?" John asked; his voice tense with unshed tears.

"It's not the end of the world." Natalie replied wondering who she was trying to convince, him or her. "And I'll be back for the holidays. Who knows maybe you can come over and help me decorate the Christmas tree…"

"With pink feather boas?"

"It's not a Christmas tree without pink feathers." Natalie matched his half hearted smile.

And John found himself silently agreeing, that just went to show how much she had turned his world upside down, and now she was going. But she would be back. "Okay. It's a date."

Natalie stood. "I better be going. I've got a lot to get done. Come on, I'll drop you back at the station."

John followed her lead and rose. "I was thinking about sticking around. I'll call a cab later."

"You sure?"

John was tempted to parrot back her question, to ask her if she was sure about Texas, about this whole crazy plan, to break her and bend her into staying. And he would have… if he hadn't loved her so much. "Yeah. I'm sure."

Natalie started for the front door but doubled back. "John?" She called.

John turned quickly at the sound of his name rolling off her tongue. "Yeah?"

"In case we don't get a chance to talk again before I leave I wanted to say thank you."

John wondered what possibly she could be thanking him for when his debit to her was so unpayable, not just for Cris, but for the magic she had worked, how she had forced him to live again. "Natalie…" He shook his head.

"Also," She continued on before she wouldn't be able to go through with it and the words would freeze in her mouth. "It's okay to be happy, John. It's okay to let yourself love Evangeline. I just want you to be happy and I'm sure Caitlyn would want the same."

Tears rimmed John's eyes. "What if I can't? What if I don't?"

"Then I'm just a phone call away." Natalie offered and John knew it was the truth, that their connection wouldn't be broken by time nor distance.

She went to leave when John called back to her, "Natalie?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we still friends?"

Natalie paused at the door. "Were we ever?" It was an honest question, something she had turned over in her mind on countless nights.

"Yes." John answered with convection. "We were friends, we were more than friends."

"Then I guess we are more than friends." Natalie spoke with as much faux happiness as her tear laden voice would allow.

"Natalie…" John fumbled for the words to say.

"I'll miss you." Natalie spoke for him, launching herself into his arms.

John wrapped his arms tightly around her body, a single tear landing on the top of her red head, as he struggled to memorize the way her heartbeat felt against his chest. "Don't go." He whispered into her crimson mane. "Please, Natalie."

Natalie pulled away, wiping furiously at her tears, she didn't want him to see her like this. John reached out a hand, cupping her face as her thumb brushed a tear away from her cheek. "John, don't ask me that. You know I would do anything for you but I have to do this."

"I know." John's voice was a whisper.

"Don't you forget, Johnny McBain, that you are one of the good guys. Don't let your past ruin your future." With shaking hands, Natalie gathered her purse from where it had landed on the floor and went to the door, squaring her shoulders as she did so. She turned at the door. "I love you." She called quietly across the space.

John watched as the door closed behind her with a decisive click, a chapter ending. "I love you too."

-End-


End file.
